Do you agree with the fact stepparenting can be harder than parenting? Some of the main stepparenting challenges and solutions will be discussed here. It takes years to develop a solid relationship between a stepparent and a stepchild.
Generally, people expect their new partner will step in and parent their kids. They assume if their partner spends more time with kids, a strong bond will develop immediately, and they will be a happy “real” family.
However, this expectation can backfire as there are several challenges a stepparent faces that don’t exist for the biological parent. Sometimes, these stepparenting challenges make it exhausting to parent another person’s child.
Being a stepparent is no easy task. Since a lot of stepdads aren’t aware of these challenges, they get frustrated, especially in the early years of the relationship.
Here are six stepparenting challenges with their solutions.
1. Slow Bonding
When you enter a family as a stepdad, you are already strongly bonded with the children’s other parent – your wife. Because you are close to one family member, you may expect the kids to accept you. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.
The problem is the child wants to be parented by their parents, not their stepparent.
They crave time and attention from their parents. Also, kids from separated families become frustrated. They feel disloyal if they express how they feel.
They may think, “If I like my stepparent or have fun with him, it will hurt my dad.” So, they rarely talk about their stepparents. Their frustration and fear doesn’t allow them to get attached to their stepparent.
You must have spent quality time with your stepchild’s parent, but you will need to invest time developing individual relationships with them, too.
2. Not Seeing You as an Authority Figure
Most stepchildren, especially school-going kids, see their new parent as a competitor or a rival rather than an authority figure. They don’t consider their stepparent as a support person. If you try to get sterner to gain respect and attention, this act will backfire and make them hate you even more.
Usually, the child doesn’t see them as someone they have to listen to or someone they have to answer. They consider their stepparent as an extra person in the family or their life. Stepparents expect that monitoring their kids, maybe by using a parental control app like Xnspy, is their parental responsibility, but it can feel an intrusion when a stepparent tries to intervene.
Initially, you should work on developing a strong and caring relationship with them instead of stepping into the role of an authority figure.
3. You Never know when You should Speak Up
A stepparent is always concerned about stepping on toes, getting backlash for something they said, or even something they didn’t say. They are always worried about being misjudged and fear their stepchildren will not like them anymore.
They do have strong power in the house, but they find it exhausting as they are unsure of what to do. Even if they find some inappropriate activities of their stepchildren by monitoring their digital devices through parental control apps like Xnspy.
They find it challenging to discuss them even with their spouses. However, it is better to have a healthy environment in the family where everyone can share their concerns.
4. A Parent has a Higher Level of Forbearance for their Kids than the Stepparent
The stepparent usually hasn’t spent those precious first few years with the child where they could develop a bond. Naturally, a person can have more patience towards those who are an extension of yours. The mess, the noise, the tantrums, the stress – nobody loves all these things, but parents tolerate them because kids are a part of them.
Even when parents get angry or frustrated, their love and care for that kid never waver, and they are ready to face all the stress again in record time. Mostly, stepdads don’t have this superpower, and it can take a long time to have positive feelings for a disturbing child.
5. Cooperating with your Spouse’s Ex
Most probably, you already had an idea that you would have to cooperate with your spouse on parenting roles. However, you may not have expected you will also need to learn to cooperate with your spouse’s ex.
Most likely, both parents have a say in decisions about the upbringing of kids. In this case, you will have to show more courage and support to accept their choices. No doubt, it is a tough call, but you will develop a strong bonding with your spouse and stepchildren in years to come.
6. Being told you are not a Real Parent
Commonly, stepchildren try to take away the authority of their stepparent by telling them they aren’t their real mom or dad. When that happens, all you need to do is stay calm. Instead of getting angry or frustrated, explain your role in their family.
Discuss with them how you are putting efforts to be a part of their family. Also, you can do this by having a friendly and open conversation with them.
If you want to be your wife’s hero, try to develop a strong and caring relationship with your stepchildren. Discuss with your partner how hard it is for you, and how you are putting efforts to be a member of the family.
No matter what happens, keep in mind, it’s not because your stepchildren don’t like you, it is simply because this is the nature of stepfamily dynamics, and sometimes, it is difficult for the kids to expect your participation. You shouldn’t expect the stepparent/stepchild relationship will develop overnight. In my opinion, blended families require more communication.
Here are some Tips to Try
- Share your concerns and worries with your partner. They know their kids very well, so they can help you in developing a relationship with them.
- Don’t expect your stepchild will love or respect you right away. It will take time for the two of you to bond.
- No doubt, step-parenting is tough, it is okay to give yourself a break. Give some time to yourself. Once you get enough time to recharge, you can again begin working on your relationships.
One of the best approaches you can take is figuring out ways new stepdads can step into their role to make the transition easier.
