Good day, my name is Al E. Gator, and I am speaking on behalf of all reptiles, mammals, and animals worldwide. My class of animals, the reptiles, has been disrupted by the strange actions of humans.
My position as a lawyer has compelled me to study human behavior and make connections between their actions and their effect on the environment. In this case study, I will discuss human behavior and why the fight to end animal abuse must go on.
Exhibit A: Human Watch Boxes
My observations of human behavior have led to contraptions they call “TVs.” These strange, black boxes play pictures of other humans involving themselves in different activities. Among these observations is a pastime that they like to call “watching TV shows.” There appear to be several categories of these shows, one of them being “reality TV.”
Some of these “reality TV” shows take place in our own homes, including some of my relative’s places of residence. For example, the TV show the humans call “Swamp People” appears to follow the premise of humans targeting our fellow reptile friends without interacting with them in positive ways. I propose we end these trespasses on vital areas of our homes and stop them from ruining our habitats.
Exhibit B: Unnecessarily Violent Phrases
Translations of common human languages have come to a disturbing conclusion: humans use unnecessarily violent language about animals to describe perfectly normal behavior. For example, instead of saying something like “I managed to do two things at once,” they’ll say, “I killed two birds with one stone.” I must say that this is most disgraceful!
Of course, I have more translated pieces of evidence to prove human ignorance. “Kill the goose that laid the golden egg,” “deer caught in the headlights,” “a sitting duck,” etcetera, etcetera. I call for the end of these ridiculous phrases for the well-being of all animals! They’re harmful, demeaning, and rude!
Exhibit C: Strange, Human Meals
To be clear, some animals, myself included, must ingest meat for the well-being of our bodies. Other animals must consume plants while others eat a little bit of both. This is the circle of life. There’s nothing inherently harmful about these concerning animals and their designated place in the food chain.
However, based on my observations of human behavior, I have concluded that humans are inconsistent about their meals. They appear to be omnivorous, yet some of them disagree with the ingestion of meat. Humans who eat meat gain attachments to animals like cats and dogs yet have no problem eating other animals like cattle and pigs.
Even humans disagree with one another on this particular topic. However, I propose we side with the humans who don’t eat meat or consume their meat products from what they call “free-range, organic farms.”
Exhibit D: Interactions With Human Inventions
I have spoken to several other animals about the impact of humans on their environment and have learned alarming facts. Humans have become messy creatures, leaving behind strange inventions that are hard and difficult to chew. When animals try to chew and interact with these inventions, it leads to injuries, complications, and even death.
I heard from one source that these inventions are made of a human-made substance known as “plastic.” Much of this ends up in the ocean, which is not my place of habitat. However, I recognize the harmful effects this leaves on the animals. Avoid interacting with plastic human inventions at all costs!
Exhibit E: Demands for Adoption
To leave this case study on a positive note, I want to discuss the action humans call “adoption.” This is an odd but kind-hearted human behavior that refers to the act of taking in certain animals as pets.
Pets are supposed to provide humans companionship, love, and affection. Wild animals like myself should never be adopted, but animals like cats and dogs find great joy in the activity.
I have spoken to members of my class of reptiles who have been, as the humans call it, “domesticated” as pets. One of these is the Bearded Dragon, known for its friendly and calm nature towards humans.
While I don’t believe that humans should be intruding upon our environment and taking wild animals, I feel that the adoption of these so-called “domesticated” animals should be allowed and encouraged.
Concluding Statement in the Fight to End Animal Abuse
In conclusion, animals need to fight for our habitats, needs, and environments. We must fight to end animal abuse and demand accountability for humans’ actions.
I propose the following demands to humans: reparations to surviving family members, TV shows without the presence of real animals, and an overall improvement in the well-being of animals. To end animal abuse, we must work together towards a common goal and make sure humans understand our demands!
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