The holidays are supposed to be happy, fun, and joyous while filled with those you love and who love you. However, sometimes, real life doesn’t work that way.
Difficult circumstances, people, and events don’t care if the holidays are here. This means you may be dealing with negative emotions this holiday season – emotions like
- sadness,
- hopelessness,
- anger,
- rejection,
- resentment,
- hurt,
- disappointment,
- regret,
- loneliness,
- fear,
- worry,
- guilt and
- jealousy.
If you’re struggling with difficult emotions, follow these three simple suggestions to improve your holidays.
1. Feel the Emotions
Yes, that’s right. Don’t deny or suppress them. If you’ve never let yourself feel, you might be overwhelmed with the thought of opening yourself up, but it’s worth it. No good comes from denying you feel them because they may come out in negative ways and impact you anyway.
You might as well feel them, so you can deal with them in a healthy way. Once you feel them, the next step is to identify them.
2. Support the Emotions
Emotions are meant to give you feedback about how you are affected by what is happening. Telling yourself, you shouldn’t feel that way doesn’t help. It only makes you feel worse about yourself. Instead, figure out why you are feeling that way.
Please pay attention to them and embrace them. You can also get support for them by reaching out to other people. Think of your friends and family members who would understand. Give the most appropriate person a call or get together for lunch.
Talking about what you are experiencing lessens the pain. Another place to reach out to is support groups. It might be a Twelve Step group, a church group, or an organization. Reading articles and books about the situation you are experiencing is also helpful.
3. Act on the Emotions
You will notice the word “act” instead of “react.” Acting on your emotions means you stop and process them and then decide how to act. If you don’t, you will likely feel worse by saying and doing the wrong things. Here’s where you have lots of choices.
It is always best to feel your emotions and process them. If you decide you need to talk to someone involved in your negative emotion somehow, carefully choose what to say so you won’t have even more negative emotions to deal with.
Keep your side clean, and then remember to detach from that person’s feelings rather than taking them on as your own. If you want an action plan to deal with your negative emotions, come up with one.
Here are some ideas. Get together with someone else who is lonely over the holidays, like other single parents, others without family, or others in a support group.
Invite friends instead of family members. Volunteer at a church, soup kitchen, or organization to bless others. Work to make extra money over the holidays by taking on an extra job or to make double time on Christmas; typically, a shift others don’t want.
Do whatever it is that would help you manage your emotions. Negative emotions around the holidays don’t have to ruin them. You can use them to make your holidays better.
The holidays come with reunions with extended family, exchanging gifts, great food, music, and time away from school and work. Unfortunately, for many of us, it also brings the uninvited guests of depression and stress.
Avoiding these three mistakes will guarantee your holidays are happy and less stressful for your blended family.
