Remember there are four distinct parenting styles:
- Authoritarian,
- Authoritative,
- Permissive (Indulgent), and
- Uninvolved (Disengaged)
The focus of this post will be on the permissive or as it also known indulgent parenting. Can you recognize it in others — or yourself? Let’s look at three scenarios of a permissive parent in action.
The Three Scenarios
1. A mother asks her biological son to take her and her husband (stepfather) to the airport in the early morning hours to avoid paying for a shuttle to the airport. She arranges this despite the son having a suspended driver’s license. Despite her husband’s objections, she insists on the son taking them.
2. The husband allows his adult age daughter to borrow the family car to go visit her boyfriend. The daughter promises to bring the car back that evening. The daughter stays out too late and ends up spending the night at the boyfriend’s house. She returns the car late the following day disrupting his plans for use of the car. Upon her return with the car, the daughter receives no consequences for her behavior.
3. Daddy Little Angel, Veruca Salt
The Permissive Parent
You are considered a permissive parent if you’re:
- Unassertive with your children; avoiding confrontation
- Very involved with your children; not drawing clear boundaries between adult time and time with the children
- Nurturing and accepting; more of a friend than a parent
- Very responsive to your child’s needs and wishes
- Makes few demands or controls
- Rarely disciplines
- Low expectations of maturity and self-control; rarely disciplines
- Making ambiguous requests when they need to be direct and clear
Impacts of the Permissive Parenting Styles on Children
- May tend to be more impulsive
- As adolescents may engage more in misconduct and drug use
- May result in creating spoiled brats or “spoiled sweet” depending on the child’s behavior. Triples the risk of the teen participating in heavy drinking
- Never learn to control their own behavior and always expect to get their way
- Self-centered, demanding, and unresponsive to adults
- Oblivious of the impact their behavior on others
- Emotionally immature
While some experts say there is no right parenting style consider Scenario 1 above where you have a permissive biological parent and a stepparent that’s authoritative or authoritarian – it’s a recipe for disaster.
It’s differences like these that can cause the marriage to break up. It’s absolutely essential for you and your significant other to learn what your parenting style is and come up with strategies to be unified as parents for the children within your home.
If you would like to learn more about how not to be a permissive parent and become your child’s parent again please read John Rosemond’s book, “New Parent Power!”.
