Strength In Gentleness
Redefining Strength: Embracing Gentleness As A Powerful Virtue In Leadership And Family Life
I was within earshot when my wife and my commander’s wife started discussing me. The conversation eventually turned to my role and performance as a Flight Commander, and to my surprise, my commander’s wife described me as “a big teddy bear.”
This comment troubled me as a young officer, especially knowing it likely reflected my commander’s perspective. At 6’1” and a dedicated weightlifter, I took pride in my appearance, and being seen as a ‘teddy bear’ felt like it undermined the strong, authoritative presence I worked hard to project.
Decades later, I still remember her words and the insecurities they stirred up, making me question whether I should be less approachable or harsher or raise my voice to assert authority. But is that truly necessary? Can’t a man be gentle and still be strong?
Yes. The strongest men are gentlemen. Gentleness is one of the most misunderstood fruits of the Spirit, dismissed as a weakness or a lack of authority. This misconception can create confusion about what strength looks like for men striving to be leaders in their families.
However, biblical gentleness is not about being soft or passive! It is about strength under control. This fruit of the Spirit, highlighted in Galatians 5:22-23, reflects Christ’s character.
The world often equates strength with dominance and power, but scripture offers a different perspective. Jesus, the perfect example of gentleness, described Himself as “gentle and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29).
His gentleness wasn’t a sign of weakness but a demonstration of extraordinary strength. Despite holding ultimate authority, Jesus led with compassion and care, never resorting to intimidation or force. This biblical definition of gentleness challenges men to rethink their understanding of leadership, especially as husbands and stepdads.
A Biblical View of Gentle Leadership
Gentleness is one of the most misunderstood fruits of the Spirit because it seems contrary to the world’s idea of masculinity. Men are often taught to be tough, competitive, and emotionally distant, leaving little room for tenderness. Yet, the Bible consistently portrays gentleness as a mark of strength. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us that “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Gentleness requires self-control, humility, and an unwavering commitment to honor others above oneself. It calls for restraint when anger tempts you to lash out and patience when frustration could lead to harshness. By practicing gentleness, you demonstrate the depth of your strength: strength that prioritizes relationships over pride and reconciliation over winning arguments.
Biblical gentleness is not passive; it is active and purposeful. A man must lead his family with integrity, wisdom, and care. As husbands, men are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church, a love characterized by sacrifice and gentleness. Ephesians 5:25-28 emphasizes this selfless leadership, where strength is used to serve and uplift, not dominate or control.
Balancing Strength and Gentleness in Leadership
Wives don’t need husbands who bark orders or rule with an iron fist. They need partners who are secure enough in their strength to lead with humility and care. And children shouldn’t be afraid of their parents. Gentle leadership provides a safe space for vulnerability and trust, allowing a family to flourish. When a man speaks kindly, listens intently, and makes decisions with consideration, his family feels valued and supported.
This doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations or making decisions that may be unpopular. It means approaching challenges steadily and calmly and leading by example. Gentleness is a form of protection, creating a home environment where love and mutual respect thrive. A strong man uses his strength to shield his family from harm, not to assert dominance.
Stepfathers have an incredible opportunity to model gentleness for their children. Many children, especially those adjusting to a blended family, struggle with feelings of uncertainty or loss. A gentle stepdad provides stability and reassurance during these transitional times. Responding patiently and understanding creates a safe space for children to express their emotions and feel heard.
Strong leadership in a family doesn’t mean asserting authority through force. It means being present, listening well, and offering steady guidance. Children must see that strength includes tenderness, especially from a stepdad stepping into a complex and sensitive role. Gentleness doesn’t mean avoiding discipline but changes how discipline is delivered. Instead of reacting angrily, a strong stepfather uses moments of correction to teach and guide.
Weakness Versus Strength in Men
The difference between weak and strong men lies in how they handle their power. Weak men often compensate for their insecurities by asserting control, raising their voices, or resorting to intimidation. These behaviors may create compliance, but they damage relationships and erode trust. Weakness is reactive, driven by fear or pride.
But strong men understand that true power lies in self-control. They don’t need to prove their authority because it is evident in their actions. A strong man can remain calm in conflict, offer forgiveness when wronged, and prioritize others over himself. His strength is apparent in his ability to lead without coercion and to love without condition.
Gentleness, then, is the hallmark of a powerful man. It requires courage to show restraint and wisdom to lead with compassion. Gentleness sets a man apart in a world that celebrates aggression and dominance, showing that his strength is anchored in something far more significant than himself.
Living Out Gentleness in Your Family
Gentleness isn’t something you master overnight. It’s a lifelong process of growing in Christlikeness. But as you commit to this path, you’ll find that your leadership becomes more effective, your relationships deepen, and your family thrives. Gentleness is a journey worth pursuing, especially in the roles of husband and stepfather. By embracing this incredible virtue, you can lead your family with strength and humility, reflecting the heart of Christ in your home.
Have you experienced the power of gentleness in your own life? Share your story in the comments and visit the Support for Stepdads blog to learn more about being the best stepfather you can be.
