Our pets are more than our furry friends, they’re family. Sadly, this means we must one day say goodbye to our beloved four-legged family members.
While there’s no simple solution to approaching your children about the loss of a pet, there are ways that you grieve together. This is never an easy process for anyone.
However, this may be a complicated concept to process for children who may be experiencing death for the first time. Here are some tips to help you and your child grieve after losing a pet.
Acknowledge What’s Happening
It can be challenging to know what to say when losing a pet, especially to your children. Before approaching them about the situation, make sure you talk to them in a safe, comfortable location. Try to make it one-on-one and provide information based on your child’s age, life experience, and maturity.
Everyone’s experience will be different depending on their child and the state of their pet. Your beloved pet may be succumbing to illness or passing from old age. No matter the reason, be clear with your wording without being too blunt. It’s completely okay to use “death” and “dying” in your discussion.
Tell the Truth
While it’s always well-intentioned, being vague or lying about your pet’s passing may worsen the situation. It may feel tempting to sugarcoat what’s happening to your pet, especially if your child is younger. The truth always reveals itself eventually, and when your child finds out, it may open up old wounds or make them very angry at you.
Instead, be truthful, gentle, and sincere at the same time. For example, if your pet is being euthanized, say, “the vets have done everything they can.” This is truthful while assuring your child that they’ve received the best care possible.
Similarly, be very careful with your wording. Avoid saying statements like “we’re putting our pet to sleep,” especially if your child is younger. This may invoke fear of falling asleep or being put under anesthesia.
Validate Each Other’s Feelings
Grief comes with many emotions before and after a pet’s passing. They may experience intense feelings of sadness, anger, or guilt during this time. Assure them that these feelings are normal and okay.
Give them a safe space to talk while letting them know it’s okay if they don’t want to right away. Assure your child that you’re there for them when they’re ready.
At the same time, just because you’re the parent doesn’t mean you have to hide your emotions. Instead, allow yourself to be fully open about your feelings and support each other through your grief.
Being candid about your feelings sets a positive example for your children. It lets them know that it’s okay to cry, be sad, and grieve over our loved ones.
Invite Them to Say Goodbye
Another effective way to help your child grieve after losing a pet is to invite them to say goodbye. This may greatly depend on the age of your child. Even so, if your pet is being euthanized, ask your vet if children are allowed to say their goodbyes.
If the vet approves, approach your child about attending the procedure. Tell them about the process and what happens during euthanasia. Assure them that they can ask you or the vet questions at any time.
Assure them that there’s nothing wrong with saying no. At the same time, if they say yes, allow them to back out any time and discuss an immediate escape plan if it becomes too difficult.
Attending the procedure may give your child closure, initiating the healing process. Plus, giving them a choice reminds them that they’re important and that you value their input.
Allow Everyone to Grieve
Being a busy family can make it difficult to drop everything for emergencies. But, it’s important to remember that pets can become beloved members of your family.
Instead of moving on the moment your pet passes, encourage your family to grieve together. Moving forward with life too quickly can unintentionally give your children a bad impression of grief.
This isn’t to say that grief should consume your life. It simply allows you and your children to process what happened and begin the healing process.
For example, when you’re home alone, allow for some quiet time. This could look like board games, reading, or watching movies as a family.
Pray Over Your Pet
Prayer can be very healing after the loss of a pet. When children already know that their pet is in Heaven, having a way to connect with them after passing can help them process what happened. Encourage them to engage in prayer before bedtime or while they’re healing through the grieving process.
Overall, encourage your children to engage with their spirituality after your pet’s passing. If they don’t feel as comfortable praying aloud, they can certainly write down their prayers in a journal. You can also engage in prayer as a family during the funeral (if you choose to hold one) or during mealtimes.
Guide Them Through the Healing Process
Allow your family to grieve. However, when the time comes, start making the transition towards healing. Granted, grief is not a linear journey. Your child may feel a lot better one day and find themselves feeling incredibly sad the next.
This is normal and will heal with time. However, it’s crucial to begin the healing process to prevent grief from affecting their quality of life.
To help initiate the healing process, develop a plan to memorialize your pet. Consider contacting your child’s teachers in case they notice changes in their school performance.
Also, contact friends and family members to update them on the situation. Finally, speak about happy memories involving your beloved pet often.
Memorialize Your Pet
As mentioned above, holding a memorial for your pet can greatly propel the healing process. This doesn’t necessarily have to look like a ceremony. It can include a project like a scrapbook.
It’s important to remember that your pet may be one of the first loved ones your children have ever lost. Thus, the loss of your pet may be just as painful as the loss of another family member.
A pet memorial acknowledges their importance and impact on the family. It allows the entire family to grieve together and validate each other’s emotions.
Religious families can choose to include acts of faith in the memorial, whether that looks like a group prayer or reciting scripture. There’s no right or wrong way to memorialize your pet as long as you take the time to honor their place in your family.
Hold a Funeral
It may be a little more on the cheesy side. However, a makeshift funeral service can bring some closure to the family, especially younger children. This doesn’t need to be a full-blown service at a church. It can be as simple as holding a funeral in your backyard.
Invite your children to lead the way, whether that looks like having a vigil or saying a prayer aloud. Remember, pet funerals should be more of a way for your children to heal. It can also help you recover from your pet’s passing, especially if you have had them for a long time.
Be Prepared With Kid-Friendly Grief Books
There are many kid-friendly grief books for every stage of childhood. These can validate your child’s emotions, help them heal, and remind them that they’re not alone.
Check some books out from your local library or purchase a few before your pet’s passing. Lay them in various parts of the home where they can be visibly seen without pressuring them to read it. Verbally tell your children that you’re there to read it with them or be read to if they choose.
Make a Tribute Video
This can be a team project that promotes shared grief and healing. Work together to find your favorite photos or videos of your pet and compile them all in a video or slideshow.
From there, select a song with a lot of meaning to play over the tribute video. Once the children have chosen everything, edit the project and finalize the tribute before sharing it with the whole family. This can allow you all to cry, laugh, and share happy memories with your pet.
Create an Ornament
An ornament can work as a keepsake for your family to memorialize your pet forever. This can look like a handmade ornament with a picture of your pet or a custom-made ornament created by service.
This can allow your pet to remain in your family’s memories long after they’ve passed. Your pet’s memorial ornament will ignite happy memories and encourage your family to reminisce whenever you pull out your holiday decorations.
Write Down Your Favorite Memories
As a family, write down as many happy memories involving your pet as you remember. Children who are too young to write or spell can draw their memories instead.
Consider writing them down on colorful pieces of paper and compiling them into a distinctive bowl. Whenever someone feels intense grief, grab one of these pieces of paper and remember happier times with your pet.
Resources
Some kid-friendly grief books that incorporate spiritual meaning include The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life for All Ages by Leo Buscaglia, Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant, and their coinciding book Cat Heaven. These books teach children about loss while encouraging parents to contribute to the discussion. It can also allow them to ask questions about God and pray over their beloved pet.
