The Smart Stepmom is an Amazon bestselling book by Laura Petherbridge and Ron Deal. They are well-known experts on blended families. If you’re a stepmom looking to gain some insight into the role of the stepmother and how you can “step” into that role in the best way possible, then this is the book for you.
The Smart Stepmom addresses many questions frequently asked by stepmothers, helping readers gain a greater perspective on how to help children balance new family dynamics with the old.
Laura Petherbridge has advised couples and single adults on various relationship issues and has spoken at the Billy Graham Training Center. She is also a featured expert on DivorceCare.
Ron Deal is a bestselling author and licensed marriage and family therapist. Specializing in marriage enrichment and stepfamily education, Deal is one of the nation’s leading experts on blended families.
Combining their respective expertise, Petherbridge and Deal outline several steps in The Smart Stepmom to help stepmothers become the best they can be, fulfilling their spiritual and familial duties.
Here are a few tips, according to Petherbridge and Deal, to help you become a smart stepmom.
Recognize Stepfamilies are Birthed From Loss
Those entering into new family relationships – especially children – should be afforded time to adjust to their new reality. While creating a new family can be beautiful, The Smart Stepmom emphasizes step/blended families are ultimately created from loss. For a stepfamily to exist, there had to have either been a death or divorce in the first family.
They must be allowed to grieve the loss of the other parent, whether that loss occurred due to death, marital separation, or otherwise. Stepmothers should be sensitive to these feelings and the transition period when family dynamics shift.
Encourage a Relationship With Dad
As a new stepmom, it can be tempting to jump in at all possible opportunities, assisting the children’s needs and attempting to spend as much time as possible with them. While it’s important to establish your role as a key member of the family, you should make it a point to encourage the continued involvement of the father in the children’s lives.
It’s not uncommon for children to view your relationship with their father as a threat. However, by actively encouraging them to spend time with Dad, you can show them you’re not there to mess things up. You can prove to them your presence in the home will not hinder their existing relationships but seek to enhance them.
Acknowledge Your Feelings of Jealousy
It may seem contradictory that smart stepmoms encourage children to maintain a relationship with Dad while also harboring feelings of jealousy around that relationship. However, as Deal and Petherbridge note, it’s very typical for stepmoms to become envious of the closeness between the children and their father.
New stepmothers especially may feel inadequate, like an outsider intruding on some other family’s personal space. You should acknowledge these emotions and seek to address them healthily, perhaps by attending a stepmom support group and sharing your feelings with your spouse.
Lean on God
Being a stepmom isn’t easy, and your life changes in so many ways when stepping into a new family. However, by building your identity as a stepmom on a strong spiritual foundation, you can learn to love sacrificially. The Smart Stepmom encourages readers to turn to God when the going gets tough.
This doesn’t mean you allow yourself to be a doormat. But it does mean you learn to love even when it’s not easy. As the authors point out, hurt people hurt people, and this is often true in blended families where the loss has hurt children. Your journey as a stepmom won’t always be easy, but thankfully, you don’t have to do it alone.
Boasting an average of 4.5 out of 5 stars on Amazon, The Smart Stepmom offers a terrific read for young and old stepmoms alike. It’s helpful for those that are new to the game and those that have filled the role for years and are looking to deepen their family relationships. There’s no doubt about it – being a stepmom is hard, and it can be challenging to find your place in the family.
It’s vital to balance bonding with children in a new way and enabling them to continue loving the parents they’ve always known. For more tips like the ones listed above, check out The Smart Stepmom, available in paperback and Kindle format on Amazon. This book offers stepmoms the tools they need to truly become smart stepmoms and learn to trust God as they go about building their new family.
What are you waiting for? Get your copy of The Smart Stepmom today!
