A father plays an incredibly important role in a son’s life. Fathers raise, develop, and strengthen their children, preparing them for the world. This is why you will find these tips for stepdads raising stepsons helpful.
As fathers, nothing is more fulfilling than witnessing our sons succeed. Fathers embark on an incredible journey of teaching their sons how to become responsible adults. There are many obstacles that need to be overcome.
Both you and your stepson need to get to know one another and gain a positive relationship. Blended parenting isn’t easy. It could be difficult to connect with your stepson and the life he has experienced so far. But, things can change when you become the stepfather in another son’s world.
It should be clear that you are not there to replace their biological father, but you can still be a positive role model. You can be there to teach them everything they should know before becoming a young man. No matter where you’re at in your blended family journey, you are never alone. Here are some things you can do to further develop your step-parenting skills.
Be a Role Model
We are all human, and even parents make mistakes. Yet, it is important to check yourself and improve. Your behaviors will still affect your stepson, even if their biological father is in their life. Even so, their mother will still have you. Thus, as long as you’re all living under the same roof, you need to be a positive father figure.
It can also feel tempting to think that your actions aren’t as influential as their biological father’s. This is a misconception that must be addressed every time you engage with your stepson. Instead of avoiding the subject, take it as an opportunity to develop a positive relationship.
Respect your stepson while also being disciplinary when necessary. You are partnering with your wife in raising her biological son, so be a role model at all times. Take a moment to check your weaknesses and see what you do to strengthen yourself.
Make personal goals for yourself and revisit them once in a while. As you move forward, what are some things that you can do? How else can you be a positive influence in their life? Take the initiative and be a person that your stepson can go to for wisdom.
Above all, take care of yourself throughout the entire journey. It can be difficult to transition into a new life with a blended family, but it can also be rewarding. Before you can be a positive role model to your stepson, take some time to check in with yourself.
Be Present
When spending time with your stepson, always make sure that you give them your full attention. Watching TV while they are trying to have a conversation with you is not quality time. Unless you clarify that developing a positive relationship is important to you, they won’t want to reciprocate the offer.
Take some time to get to know one another. Ask him what he likes to do and engage with it, even if it is not something you enjoy. Use these moments to discover interests, healthy disagreements, or areas of growth in each other.
Praise the things he does well and gently correct him on something he should reconsider. Above all, show him that you value his time and want to understand his perspective. You may not even agree with everything he says, but it will still give you both an opportunity to grow.
Be present for other important aspects of his life. If you know that he’s involved with an extra-curricular activity, see what you can learn from that. If your wife can’t bring him or pick him up, offer to do it for her. Offer to do it even if you don’t need to.
Be there for him if he needs guidance. This may not happen for every stepfather, but it is an important sign that things may be headed in a positive direction. If it does, be empathetic and listen to what he has to say. If he would like your advice, give him a chance to see your perspective.
Have open Conversations
You and your stepson have experienced completely separate lives before meeting each other. With that in mind, there may be moments when you don’t agree with one another. That’s okay, and it’s alright if it can’t always be resolved immediately.
What matters is what you take away from it. Are you going to let it become a point of contention, or are you going to allow yourself to see it from their point of view? Vice versa, are you going to take it as an opportunity to develop your relationship?
Ask him questions and make him think about thought-provoking interests. Get into conversations that allow you to understand him a little better. Always give him body language that tells him you’re listening. Full eye contact, complete engagement, and reflections on previous conversations.
Be flexible to difficult situations that may make you feel isolated from your stepson. There will be times when your stepson may not appreciate your input, and you may have to accept that. But, take this to heart and see if it can be an opportunity for relationship development.
At the end of the day, it’s important to focus on the little victories. Celebrate the moments of growth, be patient through potential setbacks, and take one step at a time. As long as you show that you care, that’s all that matters. Even if your stepson may be hesitant, he will eventually want to get to know you.
Be Fair, but Disciplined
Depending on the situation, your relationship with your stepson could be rocky. This could be for reasons completely outside of your control, but you must address them nonetheless. The fact of the matter is that you need to treat your stepson fairly, or else they may never accept you.
Of course, this is not always the case. But, especially with children of divorce, immediate resentment is common. Although it is not your fault, it has become your problem. Unless you fully commit to being a part of your stepson’s life, you could miss the opportunity.
Instead of letting it fester, take the chance to get involved with your stepson’s life. Have a conversation with your wife to figure out how to be fair to your stepson while parenting on equal terms.
The first few years are going to be the most difficult. This isn’t always the case, especially if your stepson is younger, but you will run into some obstacles. Start off slow and try to aim for the goal of respect. Once you earn their respect, discipline will become much easier.
From there, take moments to develop a relationship with your stepson. Discipline can be a part of that process. With that said, don’t jump at every opportunity to enact discipline. That could lead to more resentment. Instead, focus on the positives and discipline your stepson with his mother’s input.
Have Patience
Step-parenting is not a linear journey. You will experience victories and setbacks, and you will have to be flexible through it all. Be patient with the process, and the rewards will be wonderful. Until then, start partnering with your wife on certain elements of the relationship.
Until you have developed a positive relationship with your stepson, let your wife handle severe disrespect. Your stepson may understand a consistent parental figure better. This gives you room to increase a positive relationship.
By displaying patience and flexibility, you will be reflecting that back to your stepson. He will eventually notice your willingness to get involved. From there, his respect for you should increase. It’s okay to make mistakes, and you may disagree with some of his behavior. But, you can work with your wife to see if your parenting style could be clashing.
Instead of handling the situation separately, see if you can sit down with your wife and take a different approach. This will help your marriage and your relationship with your stepson. Never lose sight of your marriage, even if your relationship with your stepson isn’t perfect.
It’s important to embrace your blended family as it is. Treat your stepson as your own, and begin the process of becoming an influential figure in his life. He may not accept it right away, but your entire family will appreciate your patience and empathy.
Partner with their Biological Parents
You are not there to replace your stepson’s biological father, but you are there to support him. You need to partner with both of his birth parents to sustain a positive relationship with your stepson.
Your wife is going to be one of the most important parts of your relationship development. She will know her son better than anyone else. Thus, she will be a valuable partner when it comes to your parenting style. Collaborate with each other and find out if there are any concerns she may have with your approach. Take her feedback graciously and input it into your personal goals.
From there, approach his biological father and listen to his perspective. If he’s too far away, take the initiative to make a phone call. Have a meeting with his father to assure him that you would like to work with him in raising his son. Talk about your goals with your stepson and the vision that you see for him.
Be open to asking his biological father important questions that pertain to your stepson. Ask him what his goals are for his son. What are the values that he is instilling in your stepson? You may find that his input could help improve your relationship. Plus, it will help you maintain a friendly relationship with his biological father.
Above all, don’t treat it as a competition. Your stepson will respect you for welcoming his biological father into your life. This will allow you to develop a positive relationship. This can give you a chance to take feedback, adjust your parenting style if need be, and bond with your stepson.
Be a Father to Your Stepson
No matter what obstacles you face, you are not alone. Whether you believe it or not, there are many stepfathers in your position. Being a father to your stepson can be a difficult journey. But, the rewards of raising a stepson into young adulthood will forever outweigh the hurdles along the way.
If you ever feel discouraged, remember to follow a few simple steps. Be involved, be fair, and practice patience. Partner with your stepson’s biological parents and be open to complicated conversations. Be open to feedback and remember to take care of yourself.
You may not have a perfect relationship with your stepson, but we are all human. All you need to do is remind him that you are there for support. Even if it takes a long time to open up, celebrate the little victories. As a stepfather, remember to breathe, take one day at a time, and know that it’s all going to be okay.
