Playball! Yesterday marked the return of the men of summer. In 2020, the Covid pandemic cast its shadow over the season, reducing its length to 60 games. Several teams were impacted by virus breakouts.
Cardboard cutouts replaced fans in the stands. Recordings of cheering fans were played over stadium loudspeakers. Vendors yelling, “Get your popcorn, pretzels, and beer” were laid off. One bright spot was my favorite team the Atlanta Braves came within one win of going to the World Series.
This year’s season is welcomed with a full schedule of 162. While stadiums will only be full to 33% capacity it is a major step toward returning to normal. Enjoy these 15 baseball jokes.
1. My parents are old-fashioned. When I was a boy, they wanted me to play baseball. And when I was a girl, they wanted me to see a psychiatrist.
2. I saw a giant mouse, so I tried killing it with a baseball bat. So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland.
3. Did you know baseball mentioned in the bible? In the “big inning.” Adam took one, Eve took one, and the Lord threw them both out.
4. *Why was it so hot at the baseball game? Because there weren’t any fans there!
5. Two older men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90’s when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill.
His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they’re reminiscing about their long friendship. The friend says, “Listen when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there’s baseball in heaven.”
The dying man responds, “We’ve been friends for a lifetime, so yes, I’ll do this for you.” And then he dies.
A few days later, the surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend’s voice.
“I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” it says. “The good news is: there’s baseball in heaven.”
“What’s the bad news?”
“You’re pitching on Wednesday.”
6. Some punk kids threw a baseball through the lower half of my window and then jumped through an entire window to get it! Let me tell you. It was a pane and a half to replace.
The boy asks his father, “Why is he covering his face, Dad?” The father answers, “Watch he’s going to steal second.”
10. One day, a baseball umpire brought his son to a game to watch him work. During the game, the umpire was rude and insulting, even spitting and cursing the players. At the end of the game, he knelt and beckoned his son to come to sit on his knee. The boy refused and said, “The son never sits on the brutish umpire.”
11. Doctor: What did you dream about last night? Patient: Baseball. Doctor: Don’t you dream about anything else?
Patient: What, and miss my turn at bat?
12. Why do we sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” when we’re already there?
13. Which takes longer to run: from first to second base or from second to third base? From second to third base, because there is a shortstop in the middle.
14. Why couldn’t the fans get soda pop at the doubleheader? Because the home team lost the opener.
15. A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him. “I’ve figured out your problem,” he told the pitcher. “You always lose control at the same point in every game.” “When is that?” “Right after the national anthem.”
Whether you’re attending a major, minor, or little league baseball game, attending a baseball game with dad is something the entire family will enjoy. Get 10 suggestions for celebrating a Father’s Day that’s out of the park.
