I grew up a dog lover and have owned several dogs over the years. My favorite was an adorable Cocker Spaniel named Agatha. I never really cared for cats – a little too aloof and independent for my likes.
Yet for nearly four years, I was the owner of two tabbies a brother and sister – one gray and one ginger. Since adopting them, I’ve found them fascinating and exotic animals to watch and engage with.
And yes, I love my tabbies. Enjoy these purrfectly funny jokes about kitties, felines, and cats.
1. Kids said they wanted a cat for Christmas. We usually have turkey, but ok.
2. What do you get when you have a cat that eats a lemon? A sour puss.
3. What is the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
4. I asked a linguist, “I’d like to speak to my cat. Can you teach me how?” “For starters,” she said, “the h is silent.”
5.Three guys broke into the policeman’s house, but the policeman arrived home. The burglars got scared, and they hid in three huge bags they had found. The policeman got suspicious. He kicked the first bag. “Meow,” replied the bag. Ok, that’s just the cat.
Then the policeman kicked the second bag. “Woof woof,” said the bag. Ok, that’s just the dog. Finally, the policeman kicked the last load. Nothing. He kicked it again. Nothing. He kicked it again, this time really hard. And the bag replied, “Potatoes, you idiot!”
6. What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.
7. One of my neighbors owns several cats. On a recent visit, she introduced them to me: “That’s Astrophe, that’s Erpillar, that’s Aract, that’s Alogue.”
“Where on earth did you get such unusual names?” I asked.
“Oh, those are their last names,” she explained. “Their first names are Cat.”
8. A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a cat sitting next to him. “Are you a cat?” asked the man, surprised. “Yes,” the cat replied. “What are you doing at the movies??” the man asked. “Well,” said the cat. “I liked the book.”
9. What’s the difference between cats and dogs? A dog thinks, “These people, they love me, shelter me and feed me. They must be gods.”
A cat thinks, “These people, they love me, shelter me and feed me. I must be a god.”
10. What is a cat’s favorite song? Three Blind Mice.
11. Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store.
12. What does a cat do after it wakes up in the morning? It goes back to sleep.
13. How do two cats end a fight? They hiss and makeup!
Read what happens when a German Shepard, Doberman, and cat die and meet their maker.
