A blended family is formed when you and your partner start a family together with children from your past relationships or marriage. Blended families are becoming the new normal. However, it faces other challenges nuclear families may not.
A blended family must have the resources they require for a successful home. Accept it or not, transitioning into a stepfamily requires some preparatory work.
With about 1300 new stepfamilies forming daily in the U.S, it is essential to be guided by these tips for starting your blended family.
1. Premarital Counseling
Although it takes a lot of time and effort, the benefits of having a solid foundation are numerous. Premarital preparation effectively promotes the quality and stability of a marriage and family unit as a whole.
Statistics suggest counseling can lower the risk of divorce by 30 percent. Unfortunately, only one in four blended family relationships goes for counseling before the wedding.
2. Expect Some Struggles
Some of the common challenges blended family face include a different style of parenting, hurt from past relationships, and kids who are torn due to their parent’s separation.
There’s the possibility of this hurt and pain manifesting as anger, resentment, and rebellion, especially in children. However, it’s important to understand it’s only a projection of a past hurt or disappointment.
With this in mind, you can easily navigate this obstacle patiently and help your family grow into a strong and loving one.
3. Show a United Front with Your Spouse
Being on the same page with your spouse shows unity as a team and will enhance closeness and stability in your family. Again, one of the most significant problems most blended families face is the difference in parenting style.
You and your spouse will need to show a united front against issues that may cause tension, such as bedtimes, discipline, and different parenting styles. It becomes helpful when you set rules for your children from the beginning and agree with your partner on how to run your home.
4. Believe In Your New Family
Be patient, and trust everything will work together for the good of your family. Let doubts and apprehension caused by failed relationships remain in the past.
There’ll come a time when things may be far from perfect, and you feel like throwing in the towel. Remember, nothing good comes easy, and like many families, you need to invest your time and commitment to make it work.
5. Go Easy With the Changes
Blending families requires adjustments for everyone involved. With trust, support, communication, love, understanding, and mutual respect, your family will inevitably triumph in the face of any obstacle.
Also, bear in mind, too many changes at once can unsettle young children. So, be it changes in the routine, discipline, or household chores, you should introduce it gradually.
Children tend to be rebellious and may resist changes mainly in a blended family, causing some frustration for parents. However, understand your blended family doesn’t have to function in the same way as your old family.
6. Establish Parenting Methods before Marriage
To avoid your step kids hating you for your parenting style, agree with your partner on how to run your household early enough. All necessary changes and adjustments should be made in the early phase of your committed relationship.
The benefits of this include fewer arguments and power struggle with your spouse and a more unified front before your children. Also, with two of you on the same page, you will be able to raise well-rounded children.
7. Have Fun as a Family
Create time for family activities and bonding. It would help if you kept some old family traditions for the sake of the kids but also remember to create new family traditions tailor-made for your blended family.
It’s common for members of a blended family to struggle with similar pain and disappointment. Coming together to create good memories as a family can help heal some of the hurt.
Constantly reminding each other of how fortunate and blessed you are to have each other by spending time having fun as a family will make your family bond stronger.
Family mealtime is also a great way to bond and a good time. Some of the best open-minded conversations happen on the table. It’s a great way to reconnect after a busy day and build some love and trust.
8. Communicate with your Spouse
Studies show excellent communication and conflict resolutions are number two, and three predictors of a successful marriage. Hence maintaining an effective communication system with your spouse will make your union a happier one.
Happy parents create a more comfortable environment for their children. In the case of a blended family, where most of the children are terrified of yet another breakup, this gives them the reassurance they need to grow into emotionally stable individuals.
9. Create a Bond with your Stepchildren
Make the time to develop a personal relationship with your stepkids without your spouse. Encourage outing with your stepkids to get to know them.
Admittedly, a bond with your stepchild will not happen overnight. Still, with some patience and the interest of your family at heart, you can establish a unique relationship with your stepchildren.
Find out what your stepdaughter or son likes and share in their common interest. Find common ground and do things you both enjoy.
10. Tackle Step Sibling Rivalry without Bias
Sibling rivalry is typical, more so in stepsiblings. When this rears its ugly head, it’s important not to take sides with your biological kids.
Listen with an open mind and try to resolve the issue as fairly as possible. Taking sides will ultimately lead to fragmentation in your family and marriage.
Understandably, these tips might prove difficult for many, but we have seen outstanding progress in stepfamilies who employed these tips. Remember, it takes a lot of time, patience, and commitment to make any family work.
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