Doctors and other medical professionals are our frontline of defense in the war against the Coronavirus. While the majority of us are in the safety of our homes with our families, medical professionals struggle in the trenches away from their own families battling a sinister and ravaging enemy.
Many of these brave professionals are inadequately equipped, working in austere and stressful conditions. Tragically many of them have paid the ultimate price in their dedication and commitment to keeping us healthy. Saying “Thanks” doesn’t feel like enough, but still, I say, “Thank you.”
Even though this is a tremendously difficult time for all of them, they are still posting encouraging and funny pictures and videos online to make everyone else smile.
They say laughter is the best medicine; it is my sincere hope these puns and one-liners can bring a smile to yours and their faces.
1. Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
2. Patient: “Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. Have you got anything to keep it in?” Doctor: “What about a cardboard box?”
3. I’m good at being lazy. My doctor even said if I continue being this lazy, I should expect atrophy.
4. URINE: Opposite of “you’re out.”
5. Why did the doctor accept a new patient? He figured he might as well give him a shot.
6. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
7. The conversation between the brain surgeon and the anesthesiologist was mind-numbing.
8. When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
9. They tried to save him with an I.V., but it was all in vein.
10. The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I looked at the therapist and said, “Divorce is strong with this one!”
11. In medical school, he worried about passing as a surgeon, but he made the cut.
12. Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
13. Two surgeons were joking about sutures and had each other in stitches.
14. Comments reportedly made by patients to doctors during their procedures.
- “Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
- “Could you write a note for my wife saying my head is not up there?”
- “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
15. Receptionist: “Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible.” Doctor: “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
16. When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write, “An excellent doctor.”
17. A mother complained to her doctor about her daughter’s strange eating habits. “All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?” Doctor: “Eventually, she will rise and shine.”
18. A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
19. A pipe burst in a doctor’s house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. The doctor exclaimed, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a doctor!” The plumber quietly answered, “Neither did I when I was a doctor.”
20. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I’m turning into curtains. Doctor: Pull yourself together!
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