Humor

Jokes About Shhh Toilet Paper

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Historically, what you used to wipe with depended upon your income level. Wealthy Romans used wool soaked in rose water and French royalty used lace.

Other items used before toilet paper included hay, corncobs, sticks, stones, sand, moss, hemp, wool, husks, fruit peels, ferns, sponges, seashells, and broken pottery. In the middle ages, they used something called a “Gompf stick” which was just an actual stick used to scrape.

The first recorded use of toilet paper was in 6th Century China. The inventor was Wei Ping. 😎 Package toilet paper wasn’t sold in the United States until 1857.

The worldwide demand for toilet paper uses nearly 30,000 trees daily which equates to about 10 million trees a year. Global toilet paper demand uses approximately 30,000 trees every day.

Country singer Jason Aldean was recently forced to rescheduled several tour dates because of the Coronavirus scare. Based on his observation that everyone is scrambling to the stores and emptying the shelves of any and all household products in particular toilet paper Jason posted an Instagram picture of a toilet paper roll holding a coiled-up CVS Pharmacy receipt.

He commented this is what it’s come to at his house since everyone bought up all the toilet paper. I shop at CVS and they definitely hold the record for having the longest receipts, however, it could become problematic if you’re not satisfied with your purchase. 🙄 

A web search on “toilet paper and Coronavirus” you’ll find people haven’t lost their sense of humor. 

1. Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road? It got stuck in a crack.

2. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!

3. What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? I feel really wiped.

4. Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don’t take s**t off of anyone.

5. Two rolls of toilet paper walked into a bar. One ran out.

6. I successfully stole a case of toilet paper. Got off Scott-free.

7. I’ve started a business selling toilet paper, and it’s going well. I’m on a roll.

8. Do we need more toilet paper? “I don’t know, but if you buy some, it won’t go to waste.”  Well, technically, it would.

9. What do you do when you’re in a public bathroom and out of toilet paper? You ply for help.

10. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Take toilet paper, for example.

11. A box of tissues is mingling with a toilet paper roll at a party. The tissues said to toilet paper: “so that’s what I do. It’s so embarrassing. What is it that you do?”

12. I was so miserable growing up; we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper. Now those days are behind me.

13. Mr. Holmes, we need a good slogan for your brand of toilet paper. No s**t, Sherlock!

14. I decided to conduct a study on how to use as few sheets of toilet paper as possible when wiping your behind. Yesterday, I had a breakthrough

15. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem. It wouldn’t take s**t from anyone!

16. Dear Humans, I’ve had enough of your crap. Sincerely, Toilet Paper.

17. What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed!

18. The dummy is so stupid; he taped toilet paper to his TV set for free paper view.

19. While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes. “Wow! What a great idea,” he thinks to himself and buys three of them. Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.

20. What do Captain Jean-Luc Picard and toilet paper have in common? They both wipe out Klingons.

21. The World’s Largest Roll of Toilet Paper: It’s a Lot of Sheet.

22. I used to spin that toilet paper roll like I was on the Wheel of Fortune, but now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.

It’s here – the Support for Stepdads app for android. Keep untethered access to the Support for Stepdads website. Click here to download it.

About the author

About the author

In 1995, Gerardo Campbell married his now ex-wife becoming the stepdad to her two children. In 2011, he started Support for Stepfathers to reverse the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families in the US. His website is to help and inspire stepfathers, aspiring stepfathers, and the women who love them worldwide. You can follow Support for Stepdads on Twitter and Facebook.

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