Arizona can get crazy hot. It’s a heat you must experience to truly appreciate it. The first time I visited Phoenix I immediately felt a kinship with what a roast in oven feels.
It’s shouldn’t be a surprise the state has a town named, “Why” Thankfully, we can still get a smile and a laugh from learning what the Arizona heat makes happen.
It’s so hot in Arizona…
- the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
- the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt, and pepper.
- farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
- the cows are giving evaporated milk.
- the trees are whistling for the dogs.
- you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
- you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
- you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
- you can make instant sun tea.
- you learn a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
- the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
- you’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
- you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
- you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
- the four seasons are tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
- you discover in July, it takes only two fingers to drive your car.
- you discover you can get a sunburn through your car window.
- you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
- hot water now comes out of both taps.
- it’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and no one is outside.
- you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
- you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
- no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
- your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
- you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
- a sad Arizonan once prayed, “I wish it would rain – not so much for me, cuz I’ve seen it – but for my seven-year-old.”
- you notice your car overheating before you drive it.
- you run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
- you put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mailbox.
- you can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
- you think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself. ~ William Shakespeare
