When relationships run their course, we often find ourselves stranded and without a single clue as to how to manage our own emotions and how to structure our lives afterward. This can be especially challenging when such a long-lasting bond includes kids.
As a dad, you want to continue supporting your kids’ growth in every possible way, but you also want to make sure the separation and the end of your marriage with your former spouse don’t scar your kids for life, which is why handling your own emotions and needs are vital.
So many dads are in this exact situation, some of them already experts at the process. You can learn from what other dads have done in the past to make sure their relationships with their kids remain healthy and vibrant, while they also tend to their own needs. Here are a few tips for coping with life as a separated dad.
Someone to Talk to
Coping with life as a separated dad gets easier when you surround yourself with love and support. Talk to your loved ones regularly. Create and rely on your support network of people who know you well and who understand your situation.
You can always find support groups in your community as well as online, and expand the level of support you can get from other separated dads who can share their advice with you.
Your kids will feel confused, they’ll often ask questions of all sorts. They’ll feel sad, they’ll miss you, but in all likelihood, you’ll go through the same swirl of emotions, with a bit more knowledge and understanding of what caused it. Much like you know, your kids need support and transparency in these situations, so do you.
Structured and Balanced Schedules
Every parent knows kids thrive when they have a regular routine to rely on. This is especially important during such crossroads in their lives when their world is shaken to its very core, and they see their family change.
To protect your bond with your little ones and to ensure you also have ample time to take care of yourself, a schedule is a must. Some dads create plans only around their kids and their work, but you also need to factor in a healthy dose of exercise.
Counseling, if you need it, and regular socialization with your loved ones are important factors also to consider. Now more than ever, you need to be a role model for your kids and show them they, too, can be stable in a time of hardship.
Embrace a Positive Mindset
Even the most amicable of breakups have their fair share of emotional turmoil and baggage attached. In the face of such stress and challenges, you might find yourself always worried and struggling to find a reason to smile.
This will likely affect your relationship with your children, your former spouse, and yourself. Although nobody can flip a switch in their mind and instantly be happy, one important tip for coping with life as a separated dad involves actively building a more positive attitude to help you overcome this situation and come out smarter and wiser for it. Methods such as meditation, taking up new activities, and time in nature can be helpful.
Find your Stress Relievers
No matter how incredible your bond with your former spouse may be, even after the separation, you will still go through a decent amount of stress while you’re processing this new change in your life. Instead of letting all of that stress fester and pile up, it’s best to build in specific stress-defeating strategies into your daily routine.
For instance, a quick meditation session in the morning can help to build a positive mindset in you. Treat yourself to a cup of quality coffee and read a chapter of a book to put your mind at ease and enjoy some time alone.
Simple pleasures such as these can make quite a difference when you have little time, but tons of stress on your plate.
Open Communication
Now your family unit has changed its dynamics, you still need to make sure your role as a parent is in no way jeopardized by your communication with your former partner. Bickering, silent treatment, fights, and constant arguing can only lead to more spite and negativity, which will, in turn, affect how your kids perceive both of you and how they feel after the separation.
Although you are no longer a couple, you are still full-time parents, and you have a bond that will last a lifetime. Try to establish an open line of communication with your former partner, so you can deal with issues together, discuss discipline, activities, and other parental topics with your former spouse openly.
Mistakes are a part of the Journey
Being a dad is hard enough even when you live in harmony with your partner, and your family is thriving. Now you’re separated, the role comes with numerous other obstacles and issues that are unique to your situation.
Mistakes happen, and there’s no way you can avoid them. The best you can and should do is learn from them and strive to be the best dad you can be, despite the mistakes.
Talk to other dads around, and those in your support groups, and you’ll find their own errors in judgment quite reassuring as you learn that your parental role is not an infallible one, no matter the situation with your spouse.
Define what Support Means
Child support is a term lightly used by officials as well as family members all over the globe. Separation aside, child support doesn’t end or begin with the financial support you provide for your child.
However, your relationship with your spouse has changed after separation, you’re no less of a dad after a divorce than you were during your marriage. That means it’s up to you to define and refine the meaning of support you provide your kids, even if the time you spend with them is now limited to certain days of the week and certain holidays.
As a separated dad, you’ll find yourself in a slew of unusual, unplanned situations nothing but life can prepare you for. Although it comes with a steep learning curve, parenting paired with separation is more than manageable, especially with an arsenal of coping strategies up your sleeve.
Use these as your foundation for coping with life as a separated dad and make the most of your time with your kids as well as this new chapter of your life that is about to unravel. Here are some tips for keeping your kids in your life after your divorce.
I really liked the point where it says to talk to someone. Often people can be scared to seek help from others or professionals but it can be pivotal to making a change in one’s life!