According to statistics, over 1000 step-families are created in the US every day. Entering a family as a stepdad is a challenging yet rewarding experience.
You need to find common grounds with your wife’s children and create a trusting, supporting family atmosphere. No doubt, the only tool for accomplishing this big goal is communication.
You have to approach your new stepdad role with caution as the children of your spouse are definitely in a stressful situation. According to statistics, only 45% of kids don’t have any psychological trauma after their parents divorced.
Meanwhile, the atmosphere of stress and pressure won’t make a good impact on your new family life. The five communication tools below will help you save your step-family.
Be Respectful
Acknowledge your job isn’t about replacing the biological father. Taking the role of “dad in the house” and pretending you know better what the children need is a deal-breaker.
Respect the personal boundaries of your stepkids and give them enough space to get used to you. Family therapists say children have to take their time to grieve after their parent’s divorce. Don’t insist on being called a “dad.”
The kids are ultimately stressed, and most likely will not feel safe enough. At this difficult stage, verbal communication is not the main point of saving the family.
You have to prioritize nonverbal messages and take responsibility for your actions. Show your stepkids the firm ground is still under their feet, the world is not falling apart, and you are not there to change everything and cause them any kind of harm.
Spend Time Together
Once you feel your stepkids are getting used to the atmosphere and start accepting you as a new part of their family, include family time into your weekly schedule. If your stepkids like to do a particular sport or enjoy other activities, suggest your participation.
If your stepkids are unsure, don’t be too pushy and return to the first tip. However, It’s a good sign when the kids don’t mind your participation.
Mutual activities will help kids to acknowledge you as a family member and, most importantly, as a friend. Sharing activities that bring them joy with you means the psychological walls between you are falling down.
The time you spend together can also create excellent communication opportunity that can save your step-family. Ask your kids about their life and let them share the information they want with you. Be a good active listener and stay present, so the kids will open up more.
Become a Resource of Support
Okay, so you are friends now. To make the situation even better, you have to let children know they can find help and support whenever they come to you.
Ask them about their day and help with homework. The role of any father, including stepfather, requires being a role model for the kids. Show them how they can cope with their problems and engage your positive mindset to help them make their bad days better.
Kids might be cautious about telling you everything at first. But you need to prove you are reliable enough to keep their secrets and help them manage unpleasant situations without getting anyone else involved. Establishing yourself as a reliable supporter will help your stepchildren have a whole new level of trust for you.
Have a Conversation with Your Wife
Direct communication with children is crucial, but you have to agree on everything with your wife. If your parenting methods are too strict, the wife might be unhappy about it and take a position to protect her kids.
This scenario will decrease your authority as a parent and lower the children’s trust. Show your spouse your intentions towards children come from your heart, and you only want the best for them.
Ask your wife what parenting methods she finds acceptable and take her advice on how to become a better stepfather for her children. She’s the one who knows her kids better than anybody else, so collaborate with your spouse and let her support your authority as a stepfather.
Be There
All of the communication methods are effective, but implementing them might take a while. Don’t rush things and know everything has its own time. Your patience will pay off, and the kids will understand they can trust you. Just tell your kids you are always there for them and prove it.
Finally, the job of being a dad when you’re not one biologically is challenging. However, effective communication with your wife and children can make your family relationships stronger and save your step-family.
Remember, being a stepdad requires a lot of patience and give your stepkids enough space to take the time they need. Here are five tips to help you become not just a better stepfather, but an amazing one.
