A Family Affair: Dealing with Divorce When Kids are Involved
According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, many of which involve at least one child between the two adults. If you’re about to undergo this life altering event, you’ll need to tread carefully to prevent your separation from causing harm to your child’s mental and emotional health.
Here are just a few tips for handling your divorce when there are young witnesses involved.
Be Honest
Honesty is especially important when you’re first breaking the news to the kids. You don’t have to get into the nitty-gritty details of your split.
However, if you couch things in vague, flowery terms, you might confuse rather than clarify the situation. It’s okay to address things directly as long as you use age-appropriate language.
For example, you might say something like, “Your mother/father and I still care about each other, but we aren’t going to live together anymore.”
Letting them know how you feel and they can come to you with their thoughts and feelings will open up the opportunity for growth instead of creating a chasm of doubt and uncertainty. The most important thing to emphasize is the unconditional love both of you have for your children.
Keep It Civil
This is one of the most important—and, sometimes, most difficult—things you can do when your divorce has an audience. Your children aren’t going to understand the intricacies of the relationship you had with your ex.
They aren’t going to care who’s at fault or who could’ve been a better spouse. To them, you’re both parents they care about and love.
Take the high ground to help make the process smooth as well as for the sake of their peace of mind.
Consider Co-Parenting
Co-parenting is when both parents have an active role in the child’s life even if they aren’t together anymore. It’s one of the healthiest ways to handle parenting duties after a divorce.
It can help your child retain a feeling of security and stability even when they’re living in two different houses. However, the fundamentals of co-parenting involve things like trust, honesty and the willingness to compromise.
You might need to patch up things with your ex before you can make it work. Decide together on the best way for everyone involved and revisit this plan regularly to make sure it’s working.
Contact a Lawyer
Custody can be a tricky issue, so it’s a good idea to have a lawyer representing your interests when it comes to things like visitation and child support. Even if your divorce is amicable, it’s important you understand all of the documents you’re signing.
A lawyer might also be able to help you mediate and resolve custody disputes before a judge gets involved and things go on the record. Don’t hesitate to consult a family lawyer if you think you might need assistance.
These are just a few things to consider as you navigate a divorce with kids involved. It’s not impossible to come out of this situation with hearts and minds intact.
It just takes a little precaution.
Tragically, divorce has become practically commonplace in modern society. Unfortunately, new scientific data suggests divorce can have a devastating effect on a child’s psyche.
The following post, Children And Divorce: Reducing The Impacts, looks at some of the negative consequences of divorce on a child’s mind and suggest ways you could help your child maintain emotional stability.
