After God asked Cain where his brother, Abel, was Cain responded,
“I don’t know. Am I my brother’s keeper?”
Cain’s answer was a futile attempt to deceive God. In a fit of rage, Cain murdered his brother Abel. Lying seems to a long established and an “accepted” part of the human experience. You only have to go to a thesaurus for proof.
The many synonyms for lie seem to account for the lie’s severity as well as the intentions of the liar. Here are just a few of the synonyms for lie: fib, tale, whopper, misstatement, deceit and misrepresentation.
Would you rather be told a fib (trivial or childish lie) or be victimized by a deception (an act or statement intended to make people believe something that is not true)? Aren’t lies just that – lies?
With lying so widespread and accepted in our society is it any surprise when our children begin to lie? This doesn’t make our children’s lies any more acceptable or tolerable. Just like any other negative behavior it requires correction. Author Katherine Clifton shares her thoughts on children and lying.
Many children go through a period of time during which they compulsively lie. Of course, this can be very alarming for a parent. As adults, we tend to take even minor lies seriously, and it often takes some time before children begin to understand the importance of truthfulness.
Even if your child or stepchild is telling only frivolous lies, it is still alarming for a parent to hear their child lie so indifferently, and some parents will feel responsible for engaging in behavioral counseling to alter the behavior.
Convincing Your Child to Stop Lying
First of all, consider exactly what your child is lying about.
Lies Hiding Negative Behaviors
If your child is telling suspicious lies that might be hiding dangerous or potentially harmful behaviors, you need to address the issue directly. For example, if you are suspicious your child is hiding habits such as drug use, you need to do something as soon as possible to get to the bottom of the issue.
Lies Out of Habit
If your child is telling lies simply out of convenience or habit, the issue is less severe. Yet it’s important you clearly explain to your kids the reasons why truth telling is important and so highly valued. You should also make sure your child or stepchild understands the potential consequences of telling lies.
White Lies
It’s not always easy to steer children away from telling the “white lies” that tend to make everyday life a bit more convenient. Yet telling lies is a habit that it is hard to break after it has already become established, and it will surely follow your child into adulthood if you don’t call attention to the issue.
Communication is Vital
The most important thing you can do is simply talk to your child and question your child on why they are lying. Ask your child or stepchild how they would feel if someone lied to them. On this and on all other discipline issues, you should never put across the “because I said so argument”, but rather give some real reasons behind the rules and expectations you are wanting your child to accept.
Most every parent will confront the issue of honesty with their children or stepchildren at some point. It’s a sensitive issue. It’s important not to be overly moralizing or restrictive with your children. Express your point of view and allow your children to express theirs.
However, always remember you yourself can have a huge impact on pushing your child towards lying. If you are overly harsh in your response to bad news from your child, your child might be more inclined to lie in the future to avoid being harshly punished. Understanding and gentleness are important in raising a child who is not afraid of telling the truth regardless of the severity of the issue in question.
Author Bio
Katherine Clifton is a freelance writer and blogger who specializes in parenting and family planning issues. As a consultant for www.sunflowerlifeinsurance.co.uk, she helps counsel parents on how they can work towards financial stability in their families. In her spare time, Katherine enjoys traveling abroad on vacation with her husband and daughter and working on a manuscript for her first novel.
