The divorce rate in the U.S. is a hefty 50%. This statistic shows no signs of declining nor does it show any regard for age group, income, ethnicity, residence, education or religious affiliation. Even Christians in America are in relationships ending “unhappily ever after.”
It certainly demands the question, “Why?” There are as many reasons as there are failed relationships. Universally, there are some tell-tale signs a marriage is in need of some professional marriage counseling.
Let’s look at a few red flags that should motivate a spouse to say, “My marriage needs help!” If these flags are prominent in your marriage and continue to fly unresolved it should be not be a surprise if the vows go from “I do !” to “I won’t !”
1) Fighting Dirty
Heated disagreements can result in
- Ignoring one’s husband or wife (as punishment),
- Name calling (like slinging dart’s at your mate’s heart),
- Bringing up the past (which is cyclic and will never produce anything positive),
- Refusal to forgive (indicating nothing more than pride), or
- Interrupting one’s spouse (telling a person what he or she is saying is of no value).
These are just a few examples and sadly the list goes on and on.
Something to consider: Even though the conflict is part of the problem, the other part of the problem lies with two people who don’t know how to effectively communicate or disagree. Disagreements are a given, but it’s how those disagreements are handled that makes all the difference in the world.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz** How Marriage Counseling Can Help
Since most couples haven’t a clue on how to problem solve when it comes to deep-rooted contentions within a marriage a professional therapist or ministry like Cornerstone Marriage & Family Ministries can:
1) Introduce conflict-management skills,
2) Teach effective listening strategies,
3) Explore avenues that show what genuine respect looks and acts like, and
4) Illuminate and look at the differences between fighting fair and fighting dirty.
2) Little Communication
Imagine having lunch with a good friend but saying little, if anything, while together. Chances are neither one of you would choose to meet up again since the lack of communication would produce yawns and boredom.
Unfortunately, husbands and wives can find themselves in this kind of rut and it can be more dangerous than one realizes. It can lead to not just boredom but anger. As well as feeling unappreciated and worse yet, feeling unloved. This can lead to a slew of dysfunctional behaviors including infidelity.
Here’s the bottom line: Lack of communication is a relationship killer. Honest communication should be considered the most important ingredient in a marriage.
The most valuable behavior one can demonstrate in a healthy marriage is effective communication that lets one’s spouse know he or she is accepted and loved. You can say, “I do!,” but on-going, supportive communication seals the deal.
** How Marriage Counseling Can Help
A marriage therapist will explore a myriad of cues, both verbal and non-verbal, that can tear a marriage apart or build a marriage up. Interestingly, only 7% of communication is verbal, so it’s vital to explore non-verbal communication every bit as much as what we actually hear.
Rolling of the eyes, sighing, crossing one’s arms, looking at the clock or one’s cell phone while the other spouse is speaking all convey an unwillingness to fully hear what is being said by one’s partner. These non-verbal, body-language behaviors also show a blatant lack of respect.
Through marriage counseling, spouses can increase their awareness of the interferences that unknowingly managed to push their partner farther and farther from one another. Also, understanding how people communicate can decide the success or failure of a marriage.
Chronic lack of communication actually is communication; and it can be deadly! It’s telling your partner: I have little interest in you.
Communication is more important than intimacy in a marriage. If a relationship has great communication, everything else that is vital in a marriage, including intimacy, will become enhanced. Healthy communication keeps a marriage alive as healthy food keeps a body alive.
3) Lack of Trust
If one spouse doesn’t trust the other, inner peace is impossible to achieve. Regardless of whether the person lacking trust is justified or not, the issue must be resolved in order for the marriage to grow and thrive.
** How Marriage Counseling Can Help
Any counselor would agree lack of trust in a relationship, whether justified or not, can eat a marriage alive. The good news is even broken trust due to something as damaging as an affair can be repaired.
Although it requires two mature, far-sighted adults who both want the marriage to be healed and rejuvenated!
Professional therapists would target several crucial elements that can bring restoration and allow forgiveness to be nurtured by
1) Exploring the healing power of forgiveness,
2) Discussing what true commitment means for both spouses and how it is genuinely demonstrated, and
3) Helping both parties to recognize that rebuilding a relationship requires time, patience, honesty and open communication.
Trust, communication and respect – all three have equal weight with not just building a marriage, but maintaining it. If even one of these three components is allowed to languish, the relationship will suffer and dissolve! You remove one brick and the wall will topple.
Through professional marriage counseling, minds can be illuminated, eyes can be opened, hearts can be healed and marriages can be saved!
One of the primary resources Daniel Holderman uses to help U.S. organizations is guest posting. From his profile on G Plus he manages a firm by the name of My Marketing Team. In addition he delights in his family, their sunny California home and the LA Dodgers.
Did you know you can get a RSS feed tailored to your specific interests? By signing up to the RSS on the right you will receive a feed with everything posted and not missing a single post. By going to the archive for example, for Poetry/Blended Family you can sign up for the RSS feed for just for that category. Pretty cool huh? Just like Burger King – Have it your way!
