Maid ~ Go on! You’re only saying that to make me jealous.
Can jealousy happen within the blended family? Well maybe not in yours but it did in mine. 🙂 While we were still dating the Pretty Lady and I picked up her kids at the end of their four-day visit with their dad’s.
The kids were hungry, so we went to McDonald’s to get some burgers. In the restaurant, the kids were reconnecting with their mom sitting close to her where I wanted to be. They also had their mom’s attention as they recounted nearly everything that happened over the past four days. Roberta was too engaged with them to listen to me at that point.
I felt like the odd man out, and I began to feel the ugly green-eyed monster begin to rise from its abode. Inside I was ashamed, “How could I be jealous of children?”
Jealousy is not just restricted to partners, children get jealous too and act out in their own unique and novel ways. Author Bob Connolly shares about what gives rise to the green-eyed monster and what we can do to keep it in its lair.
Jealousy is a multifaceted emotion which may extend from your fear of abandonment and humiliation. It strikes both men and women who feel a third-party invades the privacy of their relationship. What most people do not realize is jealousy is an extremely painful emotion. It can throw the mind into paranoia and turmoil, which in some cases, can even cause a person to become passive and make aggressive decisions. Sadly, it can even lead to an unhappy ending to a relationship.
However, what most of us do not know is a bit of jealousy is actually good for a relationship especially in its early stages. Jealousy in small amounts is a sign of compassion and caring. It is a way of checking if it is safe enough to invest emotions. Jealousy is the fear of losing something you have – the affection and faithfulness of another person. The threat of losing it is a test of how much you value it.
Jealousy can also serve as a sign to look within yourself and repair what’s broken within. In most cases, it actually says more about the bearer than the deeds or misdeeds of a partner.
On the other hand, if it comes to that point where jealousy poses a risk to your relationship, it is important you and your partner know how to handle it. One way is to nurture your relationship. Make it a point you spend time together and spend time talking even when you’re apart.
Consequently, you have to make a decision to face the presence of jealousy with your partner. It is not good you just let suspicions and assumptions get into your head and run away with themselves. It is better you ask questions and listen to answers.
The best way to deal with jealousy is reason and conversation.
It can be very difficult especially when your partner has pushed you to the limits of your sanity, but you have to remember your partner is not a psycho. Your partner is just insecure. No one is confident 100% all the time so it is not a stretch to say some level of jealousy is inevitable.
Also, it would really help if you talk to your partner. You may ask questions about what caused them to be jealous. They may put the blame on you or someone else, or they may even deny anything is wrong at first.
You have to make sure your tone of voice is not accusing, it has to be a tone of understanding. And as with any conversation wherein your goal is to make someone see things your way, you have to use logic and to stay calm.
Keep in mind your partner is under the spell of insecurity. What you need to do is instill in them the confidence they badly need at the moment. Make them realize they are beautiful in their own way. Make them see the things that made you love them.
Bob Connolly is a Licensed Psychologist in California who also specializes in couple’s therapy, individual therapy and group therapy.
