“Mirror, mirror upon the wall, who is the fairest fair of all?”
~ Queen Raveena from Snow White and the Huntsman
“Am I pretty or ugly?” asks a cute, young 13 or 14 year old girl wearing a Koala bear hat. She wasn’t looking into a magic mirror, or asking her Dad or Mom or even her girlfriends. Despite her slim figure the girl says she thinks she’s ugly and fat despite what her girlfriends tell her. In an attempt to get an answer, via a self-recorded You Tube video she asks the anonymous guys viewing, “Am I pretty or ugly?”
The video was first posted in December 2010. Since then there were over 6 million views and more than a 100,000 responses. The answers hit both extremes representing people at their sympathetic and encouraging best to their very worst.
Some complimented the girl on her looks, others encouraged the girl to take down her video and don’t seek feedback from strangers. The worse comments are perverse and sexual in nature. Other comments are just plain mean, for example, “You need a hug…around your neck…with a rope.”
The Koala hat wearing girl is not alone. Up to 1000 similar videos from mostly girls and a few boys are on You Tube. Child psychologists are wondering if these videos represent a new wave of distress rather than simple questioning or cries for affirmation or attention.
Teenagers want to be accepted and know they fit it in. You Tube and other social media forums provide teens with immediate feedback.
Several questions come to mind:
- How pre-adolescents and adolescents with probably an already low self-esteem and self-image participating in “Am I Pretty?” impacted by subjecting themselves to cyberbullying and pedophiles?
- What are the parents level of involvement in the child’s life if their children are willing to seek affirmation on the web despite all of the known risks?
- Where are the parents? In particular is there a dad or stepfather actively involved in the child’s life?
In Koala bear hat video the girl’s mother wasn’t aware of the video until she was contacted by reporters about it. There was no mention or comment from her father so I suspect for whatever reason he is not actively involved in this daughter’s life. When it comes to daughter’s our focus dwells on the mother daughter relationship and we are oblivious of the importance of a father in his daughter’s life. Some facts:
- Daughters who feel their fathers care a lot about them, who feel connected with their fathers, have significantly fewer suicide attempts and fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance use and unhealthy weight.
- Teenage girls are twice as likely to stay in school if their fathers are involved in their lives.
- Teenage girls who are close to their fathers are far less likely to become sexually active and have lower rates of teen pregnancy.
- Daughter’s self-esteem is best predicted by her father’s physical affection.
Dr. Meg Meeker is the United States leading authority on parenting, teens and children’s health. A pediatrician, mother, and best selling author of six books, Dr. Meeker uses the above facts and more to support her position that few things matter more to a girl’s mental, physical and social development than her relationship with her father.
Her book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, is based on her 20-plus years of counseling teenage girls, she outlines what a father can do to strengthen or heal his relationship with his daughter and help her become a mature, healthy woman.
My next post in this series will identify key points from her book, and the following post will discuss how where the stepfather fits into the picture. Get the book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by clicking the book below.
P.S. At the time of this writing the young girl’s You Tube video remains posted. Why? One possible explanation is after over 200,000 views it’s my understanding the originator makes money (five cents) on each subsequent viewing. With over 6 million views the money made will go a long ways in paying for college and then some. If money is the reason why the video remains posted what message is communicated about the price of the young girl’s self-image and esteem? Leave your answer in the comments below.
The period brings sometimes
tumultuous physical, social, and emotional changes. Youths need limits and a
certain amount of parental control, which will slowly decrease as he or she
matures. If a child has no clear boundaries, this can lead to instability.
Young people and children also need stability in their home, a secure, orderly
and clean place to live to thrive emotionally and psychologically. Parents have
a large role to play. Successful parents keep the communication lines with
their adolescents open. They are reasonable and loving in dealing with the
mistakes and failures of their children and teenagers.