The following article is from Focus on the Family and authored by Natalie Nichols Gillespie.
“Statistics show that approximately 1300 new step families are formed every day in the US, and it’s predicted that by 2010 there will be more step families in the US than any other type of family.” Quote taken from Successful Stepfamilies.
A look at different types of step families can highlight the unique challenges each step family may encounter.
Portrait # 1: Husband with children marries never-married, no-kids wife.
Portrait # 2: Wife with children marries no-kids husband.
Portrait # 3: Divorced mom with kids marries divorced dad with kids.
Portrait # 4: Widow or widower with kids remarries.
Portrait # 5: Divorced or widowed parents of adult children marry.
Portrait # 2: Wife with children marries no-kids husband. When I met the Pretty Lady, Roberta was a successful single mom with two children ages 10 and 14. She shared joint custody with her ex-husband. Throughout our year long courtship Roberta provided me with opportunities to develop relationship with her kids by inviting me to their sporting events and providing me with opportunities to babysit while she attended classes. Before proposing to Roberta I asked the kids for their permission to marry their Mom.
I also reached out to my future stepchildren’s dad so we could get acquainted and for him to understand I wasn’t trying to displace him but to help him in his goal of raising his children into mature and responsible adults. After we were married I moved into Roberta’s 3 bedroom 1200 sq foot home a significant physical adjustment from the1400 sq ft bachelor pad I was living in.
Natalie has this to say about this portrait,
Entering this marriage, Mom’s relief at having a new partner in life might result in her handing off too many responsibilities to her new husband. The kids, then, usually will rebel. They have a dad (or had one); they don’t think they need a new one.Tread lightly with any stepparent administering discipline. Biological parents are the ones who should handle rules and punishments, at least initially.This couple needs to bond and show solidarity to the children. The wife must be careful not to shut out her new husband in favor of her children. Avoid inside jokes with the kids and subtle put-downs that would cause the kids to disregard their new stepfather altogether.There is a fine line between handling the discipline and devaluing the husband’s position in the home. Require children to show the same respect for their step dad that they would any teacher, law enforcement officer, or other adult in authority. Don’t try to force love.”
No matter what type of stepfamily yours fall under, with the right resources you can find encouragement and hope. Please check out the several books available on the blended family at Reviews .
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