Stormy relationships can often go on for months or even years without either partner seeking out professional help. Many individuals feel as if even suggesting the possibility of relationship counseling with their partner while things are already rocky will push their significant other even farther away.
For those still unsure of how to bring up the subject of relationship counseling with their partner, here are some tips to keep in mind to make this already difficult situation as easy as possible.
Time & Place
One of the easiest and most common mistakes to make is to bring this idea up during an argument or immediately following an argument. Many individuals will get caught up in the heat of the moment, remember they were contemplating relationship counseling, and bring it up without thinking about how their partner will take it. Mid-fight, this topic will usually be lost in the emotions felt by both parties and this can be disastrous.
As an alternative, it is important to carefully plan out the place in which the subject is raised. The individual should think closely about when both them and their partner are the most clear headed and tend to have the best conversations. Even in an extremely insecure relationship, there are often times throughout the week in which things tend to settle down such as when one partner has a few days off work or early in the morning before the stress of the day has kicked in.
What To Say
When it comes time to think about what must be said, it is vital to focus on the positive. At no point should the partner begin to bring up past arguments or specific situations that make either side angry. Outside of admitting problems do exist, the partner will respond best when they understand the suggestion is coming from someone they love who is looking to improve the situation and both of their lives.
Many may also feel as if the problems with the relationships fall squarely on the shoulders of just one side, but this is almost never the case. Those looking to broach the subject should think carefully about their own downfalls within the relationship.
The blame will almost always go both ways. That is what counseling will help to correct.
Dealing With Opposition
No matter how much time and energy is invested into bringing relationship counseling up as convincingly as possible, it will rarely go perfectly. There will often need to be multiple conversations in order to discuss the reasons counseling is needed as well as come up with a firm plan of action.
Over time, many couples will once again remember why they are in a relationship and will be ready to take those first few steps toward the professional assistance they need to make permanent changes.
Marcie Pregulman has been working with couples and individuals for over eight years. Helping them start off right, strengthen and enhance their relationships and even avoid divorce. Her company, Love Your Relationship, focuses on private couples retreats.
