Ready, steady, go! Back in 1995, when I became a stepfather I had no previous parenting experience. Did I need it? I didn’t think so at the time, after all, having been an Air Force officer and graduate of the Air Force Academy more than prepared me for step fatherhood and living in the blender. Having served as a leader of the proud men and women in blue it would be easy peasy to step-in and parent a 10 and 14 year old. What was I smoking???
In my own preparation for manhood, my Dad was the strong, cold, silent type. The only father-son talks we had were usually monologues where he would be saying, “Didn’t I tell you not to “fill-in the blank with the offense of your choice” while I was getting my butt whipped. What I learned about manhood I “caught” through my Dad’s example, other fathers and through the media. These are some of things I learned about manhood from my Father:
- Hard-working
- Macho
- Takes advantage of the system
- Provides materially for his family
- Flirtatious
- Emotionally guarded
- Hide emotions
- Loves a party
- Self reliant
- Portrays invulnerability
- Not transparent
- Investing; spends money wisely, saves
In fact, several of these characteristics required unlearning which is still a job in progress. You might say I would be justified to look back at my childhood with unforgiveness, bitterness and even anger towards my Dad. Thankfully, though, I’ve come to the realization and acceptance my Dad fathered me to the best of his ability. Let’s say your dad ranks 5 on the fathering scale of 1 -10 where 10 is the highest. Then the most you can be when you leave home, enter adulthood and become a father is a 5. You won’t break through above 5 by magic or chance, you have to be intentional.
I remember attending a men’s bible study several years ago. The speaker asked, “How many men have been affirmed by their father’s?” To hear the words from your father, “I’m proud of you son and of the man you become.” Sadly, only two or three men out of the 30+ men in the room responded, “Yes.” At that point, the speaker broke us up into groups of two. He then told us to affirm the man we were paired with. We then proceeded to the next man until everyone was hugged and affirmed by everyone in the room. It was an emotional experience for the majority of us.
Martin Luther King, Jr. said, ” We have guided missiles and misguided men.”
Today’s culture does little to direct the energies and passions of men for good. This may help in explaining why:
- Men commit 90% of the major crimes.
- Men commit 100% of rapes.
- Men commit 95% of burglaries.
- Men comprise 94% of drunk drivers
- Men commit 91% of the offenses against the family.
It probably also explains the high divorce rate with first and even higher divorce rate for remarriages. We become heads of households and dads without a clear idea or vision of what our role and responsibilities should be. This lack of knowledge and misdirection is even more aggravated in the blended family.
If we are going to be effective husbands, fathers and stepfathers we must first have an understanding of real or authentic manhood. It’s not enough to have an understanding. More importantly, we have to put what we’ve learned into practice. We need not only to know what authentic manhood is, but how do we obtain it, not just for ourselves, but for the young men within our spheres of influence.
Women will be interested in this series as well because women especially our daughters need to be able to know the difference between an authentic man and a pseudo man. Start learning about authentic manhood by clicking this link and buying The Book of Man by William Bennett. Time! Click your stopwatch – five minutes have passed and I’ve increased your manhood, I mean increased your knowledge of manhood – mission accomplished! 😀
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